She had cried as the day began – having dreamed about it, having dreamed about the table – and now, mid-morning, it came over her again. She broke off from seasoning the lamb to repair herself, blowing her nose, running the side of her finger carefully under her eyeliner. So foolish. It was very simple and not at all tragic. Laura would not be there. She was staying in Spain all through the vacation, meaning that this would be the first time the family was not all together for the meal.
Helen finished with the meat and rinsed her hands under the tap. After the refreshing cold, in the silence after the drumming of water into the metal sink, she turned for a towel and started when she saw Laura standing in the doorway.
Laura smiled and said, "Surprise!"
Helen put a hand over the thump of her heart.
Laura was tanned, her beauty dark and glamorous, and she wore new clothes. She jogged forwards, half crouched with her arms outstretched, and gathered her mother in a hug. She squeezed her hard and rocked her gently from side to side. Over Laura’s shoulder, through the rich, wonderful smell of her hair, Helen saw her husband appear in the doorway, smiling, his eyes mischievous.
"Nice surprise?"
"She’s … you’re here," she said.
Jamie walked into the room. "Hey, sis." He hugged his sister, beating her back resoundingly with the flats of his palms. "I assume you’ve bought masses of presents."
Helen’s husband walked over and embraced her, pressing her into the solid softness of his jumper. "Nice surprise, eh?" he whispered.
"She’s here."
Helen recovered as she cooked. She spooned the seething meat juices over the yellow crust of fat, shook the potatoes in their pan, steamed the green veg.
So they were all four of them that year as well. The talk was loud, the food as good as ever, and everything was like it was. Every detail of the subterfuge was rehearsed for Helen, the only one who hadn’t known, and she smiled along, delighted, looking at each of their faces. She wagged her finger and served more potatoes. She drank white wine in gulps. It flashed in her chest. She felt hectic and glad. She tried not to look at the empty chair where her daughter sat and laughed.